Jokes
Laugh out loud, it is good for the soul.
A man decided that he was going to ride his 10-speed bike from Pittsburgh, to Philadelphia Pennsylvania. He got as far as Altoona before the mountains became too much and he could go no farther. He stuck his thumb out to hitchhike, but after 3 hours hadn't gotten a single person to stop. Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn't fit in the car. The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his undercarriage. He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he was going too fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down. Everything went fine for the first 30 miles. Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other. A short distance down the road, the two Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap. The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer that he had two Corvettes headed his way at 120 mph. He then relayed, "and you're not going to believe this, but there's a guy on a 10-speed bike honking to pass." I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls." - Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI Dumbstruck...... I was standing at the checkout with my two-year-old son, and there was a heavy set gal in line a head of us. As the cashier scanned the lady's items, the bar-code reader gave off a continuous beeping sound. All of a sudden, my son said loudly, "Mommy, watch out! She's going to back up!" That was the only time in my life I wanted to crawl into a hole. - Heather Barlow, 21, Hortonville, WI Nuts About You...... My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and turned beet red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget. - Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD Strip Mall...... My husband and I took our three kids out shoe shopping one day. We were going from store to store, and the kids were getting restless. At one crowded store, I was standing near a bench when my 3-year-old climbed up on it, grabbed hold of my elastic-waist shorts, and jumped off-pulling both my shorts and my underwear to the floor. I raced out of the MALL..... Curl up and die..... I once walked into a hair salon- with my husband and three kids in tow-- -and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" - Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX Pad, please!..... An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest. - Kathy Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC
